Even though I spend so many hours reading on theology and the things of God, sometimes i struggle with the reality of God as a fully functional, living, powerful Creator. The intangibility of God is an present day struggle. I hate the fact that i rely on my senses so much because for the most part, this is how i live my life. Through communication, touch, smell, taste, sight and sound.  

The idea of faith being a mindset and concept must collide with the concrete reality of this life.

We can talk about theology, morality and God all day long but i wonder how many of us struggle with the fact that it is all real? That this hope we have for the future will be as real as the fact that we open our eyes and stare at the ceiling when we wake up.

Although this  struggle is real, i cling on to this faith in Christ even if it’s just a thin thread. I’m hanging on the edge. But i wonder if i’m doing it because of fear or because this is the ultimate reality of my present situation.

I don’t want to believe to get out of hell free. I want to belive because it is the truth and i can’t run away from it. I want to believe in freedom and happiness, not fear of punishment.

I’m walking on thin ice but i’ll cling to this faith even if it means i fall straight into this river of darkness….